Rabba Ishq Naa Hove - Season 3 - Part 33

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Chapter 33


Arnav’s POV



“You want to know?” I clench my jaw. “Then listen. I was on sleeping pills for a few months and since now my psychologist denied prescribing me more, I am having these seizures at times where my hands shiver. The fever and headache are because I can’t f*cking sleep, Khushi. There hasn’t been a single night when I could sleep on my own.”

“Like me!!” she interrupts, with tears in her eyes at my revelation.

My anger mellows down as I hear it. Khushi couldn’t sleep too? Why? Isn’t that what she always wanted? A separation from me? Despite getting her freedom why could she not be in peace?

“Whaaatt?” I stutter.

She suddenly becomes conscious of what she said and looks away. I pull her chin to me, forcing Khushi to look in my eyes. She is already in tears.

“Khushi? I will not leave this place until you tell me what did you mean? Why are you taking these antidepressants and who even suggested you these?”

She wipes her tears because otherwise I know she wouldn’t be able to tell me what she intends to.

“I too consulted a psychologist, Arnav. Because I needed someone to talk to about my mental health. Pam and NK told me I should and they were right to do so. I needed to speak my heart out.. to know which direction life was leading me.. to know what I really wanted and all that…”

Damn hell!

“And you know I felt those sessions worked.. in some way they did. But the problem of insomnia and loneliness never left.”

“F*ck” I groan. “So much happened and you didn’t speak a word on it to me?”

“You did?” she snaps. “You too were consulting a psychologist, weren’t you?”

“But you were alone here dammit.” I argue. “You sent Maa to me. She could have been here with you and..”

“You needed her too Arnav,” she argues with me now.

“But you needed her more Khushi.”


Khushi’s eyes tear up again. I want to scoop her in my embrace but I don’t. I wouldn’t initiate any of this until she wants me to.

“I am not so selfish, Arnav. I wanted Maa to stay with you. In fact, knowing she was with you all the time, I was in peace that you wouldn’t be sulking alone.”

“I was fine…” I lie clenching my jaw.

“You pretended to be fine,” she argues again. “Just like you are doing now. And please stop putting my needs before yours all the time.”

“Why should I stop?” I shout. “If doing so makes you happy and contented then I can risk everything to ensure you get what you deserve Khushi? I thought leaving you will help you build a good life and that you’ll automatically get everything you ever desired. Success in your profession, financial stability and a good life partner whenever you are ready for one. I didn’t know it was all my illusion and you instead of being happy here after my departure, you were in depression.”


Khushi’s POV


Good life partner? He really wanted me to have someone else in my life? Of course, yes because I gave him that impression all the time when we were together that I would never come back to him. What other choice did he have than to let the divorce proceedings begin?

“Khushi…” Arnav’s voice breaks my trance. “Speak to me..”

I know I have to tell him everything. That’s the only way I can lighten the pressure from my heart.

“My professional life is shining but my personal life is doomed from long. Yes, I was in a depression, Arnav. How can you expect me not to be? The man I called my father wasn’t remotely interested in me but my money. He was controlling me all of my life so that I do things as per his choices. And then, your sudden departure, left me yearning for I don’t know what...” A lone tear rolls down my cheek but I don’t break this eye lock with Arnav as I continue.. “All I know is that I can’t sleep either and I am done attending the sessions with my psychologist who only thinks I am not ready to let you go from my life…”

I pause assessing his expressions which are as blank as they were when I began explaining him my situation.

“And you know what the main problem is?” I ask, swallowing the painful knot of tears at the back of my throat. “I think… I think she is right. I can’t move on. I don’t even know if I want to move on.”

I expected Arnav to at least stare at me with hope but he has no expressions on his face now. He just keeps looking in my eyes blankly.

“Say something..” I urge, and I am about to hold his hand when Arnav retreats. He gets up from the couch.

“The cab is down, I should leave.” He says glancing at my phone screen which shows the live status of the cab.

He is leaving? Like seriously? I admitted the most difficult feeling I have for him and instead of helping us come out of this situation which we both are equally facing, Arnav is walking away?

I look down, losing that hope, feeling completely out of place and weird for confessing all this to Arnav or learning about his state which is not very different from mine, when suddenly, I feel his touch. Arnav sits again next to him and cups my cheeks. He raises my face to make me look into his teary eyes.

“You and I are flooding with too many emotions right now, Khushi. We have met after a long gap. Time and again, you have affirmed that you don’t love me. So, this could be just because you are overwhelmed seeing me again, or because of losing me when you probably needed me the most after knowing the reality of Shashi Gupta. Let’s not take a call tonight.”

No? I swallow hard.

“Then when should we take a call on this? When we stand before the judge during the final hearing of our divorce?” I mock.

Instead of getting angry, he smirks.

“Depends,” Arnav says, shrugging. “We have a few months left until the final hearing of our divorce.”

I am about to argue when he cups my face harder, almost bringing it closer to his and I forget everything as he continues to speak.

“I was.. I am and I’ll always love you, Khushi. It is YOU who have to analyze your feelings for me and take a final decision. This time come back to me only when you realize its love. If it is anything less than that, we’ll be happily parting our ways forever, no matter how much I want you in my life too. Am I clear?”

I don’t think I can respond to that. He is being very straightforward about his decision this time. The ball is in my court. But there are still many secrets between us and the only person I want to know them from is him. My phone rings harshly. Arnav leaves my face and picks the call on my behalf. It’s the driver’s call whom he asks to wait downstairs and then disconnects the call.

“Good night.” He rises on his feet to go but I’m too hurt to even watch him leaving. “Khushi?” he repeats but I don’t look at him. He sighs audibly and then pulls me on my feet. “What do you want me to do? Say it.”

“I already told you what I want.”

“No you didn’t.” He glares at me now. “You said you don’t even know if you want to move on from me or not. That’s not a concrete answer to our problems Khushi. It’s either you want me in your life forever or you don’t want me. It’s either you want me to stay… or leave forever..”

“Stay” I say instantly.

He looks happy.. confused.. and I am honestly too ecstatic that I really told him that.

“Stay for what?”

“For us..” I yell. “You and I both haven’t really slept well without each other in the past few months.. then why don’t we just stay in the same house tonight and see if it helps this time?”

“One night will help us, huh? Will it recover us both forever?”


He is right to ask me that.

“You still don’t get this do you?” I ask angrily clutching his shirt this time and moving closer. “We are the only ones who can heal each other.”

“How?” he groans gripping my shoulders. “You are still unsure of your feelings for me, Khushi.”

“I need a reality check, Arnav. One night.. I want you to stay here… for tonight.. .and.. help me understand if this is what I really want. If this really gives me the peaceful sleep I deserve.”


Arnav is on the verge of giving up and saying yes but this man has so much control that he still nods in denial.


“You know what happened when we stayed together one night, under the same roof.” He says, reminding me of the night when we consummated. My cheeks flame at the mere flashes of those hitting my head again.

“I am not that desperate woman anymore..” I clarify.

He raises his brows as if silently telling me but he is still the same.. Yes he is. I can read it in his eyes how much he wants me in his life again. Forever this time.

The harsh ring on my phone from the cab driver breaks our trance. Arnav picks the phone and I am about to look down in dismay that he is going to buy just a few more minutes from the driver, for him to get down when Arnav does something totally unimaginable.

“Cancel the ride please.” He says to the driver and disconnects the call.

He is staying? I am still in the same haze that he agreed to stay. What does that mean about us? What if I get the best sleep tonight only because we are under the same roof? Maybe just a wall away but around each other… closer than ever before.. Will it mean we will try our relationship again? Will it work? How? What about our future? My work is here. His is in India. Suddenly I am so anxious and a bit scared too. It’s like I just agreed to do the forbidden.

“Khushi?” Arnav taps my arm and I focus back on him.

“Huh?” I hazily ask and he gives me the first sweetest smile I have ever seen coming from him ever.

“This is madness,” he declares.

“But it feels like the right call.” I murmur.


We keep staring at each other, our eyes doing the talking. Arnav is the first one to break our eye lock.

“I’ll take the couch tonight.”

Couch?

“No, there is a spare bedroom you can use. Maa used that room when she was here.”

He agrees.

“Okay.”

“Okay” I smile back.

Suddenly I remember he has fever so I lean down and pick the medicine and pop it out for him.

“This is for your fever. Let me get you some water.”


I rush into the kitchen with a renewed energy. He is staying here tonight? I still can’t believe it. When I come out, Arnav is texting someone. He puts the phone back in his suit pocket before taking the water from me and gulping down the medicine.

“I’ve messaged Maa that I am staying here tonight.”

Oh god! How could I forget this? What will Maa think?

“What did she say?”

“Nothing. But I know she will have loads of questions when we meet her tomorrow.”

He is right. I don’t want to think about them now though. Arnav is here and he is staying back in my apartment tonight. Never thought such a day would come back in our lives but it has and I would try to restart our lives from here. This is the right thing to do.


To Be continued.

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