Rabba Ishq Naa Hove - Season 3 - Part 29

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Chapter 29


Arnav’s POV


Four months since Khushi and I saw, or talked to each other.


“Maa, come out soon, the breakfast is getting cold,” I say before pulling out my phone from pocket and reading a message.


‘I’ll be there on time.’ I reply back and put the phone on the dining table where the breakfast is served. Maa comes out from the Puja room.

“Arnav, why are you leaving one hour early today?” she asks occupying the chair opposite to me.

“I have a meeting scheduled.”

I grab a toast and begin to butter it.

“what’s your plan for today evening?” I ask her and she shrugs.

“Nothing, why?”

“I am taking you for dinner tonight.”


Maa laughs at my declaration.

“Are you serious?”

“Totally,” I wink at her and continue eating my bread butter.

“I’ll be ready by 08:00 then.”

“You better be, I hate women who are unpunctual.”


She rolls her eyes whereas I grin.

“Just kidding. Be ready and I’ll see you at evening.”


I gulp the orange juice and then quickly rise up.

“Have the parathas too Arnav. I specially made them for you.”

“No time, Mom. Hari Prakash,” I call out and HP rushes to the dining room..

“yes Sir”

“Pack these parathas for me. I’ll eat them at work.”


Whilst HP obliges to my command, I make my way to Maa, kiss her forehead and give her a soft hug.

“Bye, Maa.”


I turn around to leave when Maa grabs my wrist to stop me.

“Arnav, are you okay?”


The moment she asks me this, my smile wipes off but I quickly place another one on my lips before turning to her.

“Why do you ask that? I am absolutely fine, Maa.”

Maa stares at my face and then puts a weak smile.

“Okay.” She kisses the back of my palm before letting it go. I wave at her and quickly leave the house. The moment I get in the car and let Mohan drive, I shut my eyes and exhale audibly. Maa is too sharp to know I am not fine.. I can never be fine… My eyes turn moist as Khushi’s face keeps flashing in my head. It’s been four months since I saw her.. heard her voice.. or rather touched her..


No!! I scream at my inner self. I am letting her go. Yes, that’s what I am doing even if that’s the last thing in my mind. But its over. I know it is.


“Sir,” Mohan’s voice breaks my chain of thoughts. “We are here.”


Are we? I quickly get down the car and ask Mohan to pick me up in an hour to take me to office. He gives me a knowing smile. Yeah, he knows. Only Mohan knows I pay a visit to a psychologist.. Dr. Akash twice a month. This was for my own sanity at first and to stop me from flying back to New York and demand Khushi to end this distance between us and give me a chance.


I get inside the cabin where Akash greets me with a smile.


“Hello, Arnav.”

“Hey” I sit at my regular recliner, and smile at him. It’s been three months since I am visiting Akash now.

“How are you doing today?” he asks.

“What do you think my reply would be?”

He laughs.

“I am the one allowed to ask questions here, not you. I need your answer, Arnav. How are you feeling today?”

“The same..” I swallow.

His smile wipes off.

“Means she is still messing with your head..”

“heart,” I correct him. “And she is the one who is messing it, Akash. I don’t want this to stop.”

“You mean, hallucinating Khushi almost everytime you are alone.. only thinking about her welfare, and letting your heart weep every second remembering she doesn't love you back, is what you don’t want to stop?”


All this sounds scary but yes, the answer to this question is yes.. I don’t want all of this to stop. So, I nod.

“It’s a slow suicide of your heart, Arnav. Don’t do this..”


I shrug.

“can’t stop it.”

“You can stop it. She signed the divorce papers and sent it back to you, didn’t she? It means she has completely decided what she wants in her life, Arnav and it doesn't include you.”

“Doesn't mean I should stop including her in my life,” I argue. “I cannot have her physically around me but I still feel this strong connection with her heart that I cannot explain nor will you understand.”


Akash groans in frustration. He is never this annoyed. His profession demands him to be very patient but today he is annoyed. He leans over his table to continue.


“She hates you, Arnav.”

“But I love her .. I love her.. I love her..” I scream shutting my eyes, and leaning my head back on the recliner.


There is a pin drop silence around me, engulfing my subconscious mind into a dark hole again where all I see is my Khushi.. and the possible life I wanted to live with her had she loved me back.


“Arnav.”

I don’t realize when Akash reached my recliner and is patting my arm to bring my attention on him.

“Hmm,” I open my eyes and see him passing me a tissue. Was I crying? Probably.

“You didn’t even feel your own tears anymore, do you?” Akash asks.


I snatch the tissue from him, wipe the corner of my eyes and sigh.

“Give me something, Akash. I can’t sleep at night still.”

“Nope,” he denies. “No more sleeping pills for you. Stop taking them immediately.”


He gets back to his chair.

“What?” I groan. “What do you mean by no sleeping pills for me? I need them. I … I have to look fresh in the morning to work, Akash, and you know I don’t get sleep without them.”

“Exactly you are getting addicted to those so I won’t recommend you the pills anymore. You have to get sleep naturally.”

“Which is impossible.”

“Make it possible,” he argues. “You are soon going to go in depression, Arnav if you don’t stop thinking of Khushi. She is moving on. So should you. That was your plan, isn’t it? To let her lead her life while you would lead yours. She is living it the way she wants. Why are you unable to move on?”


“You wouldn’t understand..” I snap.

“I wouldn’t understand?” He scoffs. “I had two heartbreaks in my life. Both the women cheated on me, can you believe that, Arnav? And yet, here I am. Living my life, working and not thinking about them anymore. I am happy. I am not pretending to be happy like you are.”


I get up from the recliner and reach his desk. Never knew Akash had two breakups so far.

“Then you have a strong heart, Akash. Not everyone is as strong as you. Now… write me the damn sleeping pills..”


I push him the pen and his prescription notepad ahead because without his prescription I am not going to get these pills from the store. He gives me a glare and leans back on his chair folding his arms.

“Nope. No medicines for you. You are coming next week again and I want you to do one homework before that. You will consume no pills.. no drinks.. to get sleep or else I am telling your family that you are mentally not in a good state and are just pretending all is well with you.”


I clench my jaw.

“You are my doctor. Stop blackmailing me.”

“I am your friend too Arnav. I know Anjali and Shyam and you know I can tell them easily you are not willing to move on from Khushi’s thoughts. Just imagine what will they go through if they get to know this? Anjali and Shyam are so happy for the upcoming joy they are going to get after so many years in their life. Don’t spoil it. I am serious. Only you coming here will not work. This therapy will work if you are mentally ready to let Khushi go from your life. Otherwise, no doctor in this world will be able to cure you.”


I am done!! This is exactly how all my sessions with Akash end up. He asking me to get Khushi out of my head and heart which is practically impossible.


“Let her go, Arnav. Please..” He requests.

I swallow the painful knot of tears formed in the back of my throat.

“She’ll go from my heart the day it stops beating, Akash.. Never before that..”


And I stride to the door.


“Arnav, stop.”


I don’t. I just walk out, taking my phone out and calling Mohan to drive me to work. Nothing really changed in my life despite coming way from Khushi to India. I work hard, I go out with Lavanya and my other colleagues, I show them everything is normal in my life when I know its all a façade. I’m not normal. No medicine can turn me normal again. Ever!!


*******************

Dinner Date

I’ve got Maa to one of her favorite restaurants and we are enjoying our meal. At least I am pretending to enjoy.

“Umm.. this curry is so tasty. Did you try?” I serve some to maa who stops me.

“I ate enough, Arnav. I can’t eat more now.”

“One more morsel for me, then I promise we are leaving for home.”


I feed her the next morsel which she eats for me and I finish the food in my plate too.


“So, what have you decided about the future, Arnav?” Maa asks and I just shrug.

“What future?”

“After the court trial period is over and they legally grant you and Khushi the divorce?”


I freeze. After submitting the signed divorce petition to court, it has given us six months to think over it again before the next final hearing where Khushi too will have to be present in India before the court for the final verdict on our relationship. Of course, the divorce is happening. I know she wants it even if I don’t. I’ll give her that. I’ll free her from me.. from my toxic-ness.!!


“Have you thought what will you do after the divorce, Arnav?” Maa repeats her question.

“Yes,” I nod. “I’ll take you for a world tour,” I smile and ask the server to get the bill.

“Arnav, I am serious.”

“So, am I. Lets go for a world tour. Just you and me. What say?”

She looks away and I know I have upset her. So I grab her hand over the table to assure her.

“I am happy, Maa. I am happy with you..”

“And after me?”

“Maa!!” I snap.

“Don’t ignore my question, Arnav. I can’t be with you forever. What will you do after me?”

“I don’t want to think about it. You have a long life.”

“I wish I do have a long life, Arnav. I want to see you happy, with your wife… children…”


Damn!! Again the same thing. I know Maa wants all that from me but I can’t give her any of it. Forget touching another woman, I can’t even think of anyone taking Khushi’s place in my heart. It’s like she has locked that door of my heart and has thrown the keys in space so that no other woman can ever unlock it. And I don’t mind that either.!!


“Okay, I’ll think about it.” I tell Maa, crossing my fingers below the table.

“Sure you will?”

“I will” I fake a smile. “Now time to go home and sleep. I am dead tired. Looks like I am going to doze off the moment I hit the bed.”


She smiles at me and then we leave back for home. Only I know sleep is nowhere close to me and since Akash has stopped my sleeping pills I’ll have to try hard to get some sleep so that I can focus on work tomorrow.


To be Continued.

NEXT PART 

Note: I couldnt draft Bride of Sheesh Mahal - Season 3 last part yet so posted this fiction. 

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